Bad craziness. Told LD that "it was all lies." She replied, offended, that she had never lied to me. I said that she had implied that we had a chance, even while she knew all along she was going back to be a couple in Europa. Lies of omission and implication.
But forget all the emo bullshit. All you really need to know is that of all my pals, no one --- not Friar who knows I'm going through hell, not 74 and Zaftig who are holding a Super Bowl party --- called or texted to see how I was doing.
Mood: abandoned/suicidal
Sunday, February 02, 2014
Saturday, February 01, 2014
How many times can it escalate till it elevates to a place I can't breathe?
Hysterical. Called brother and unloaded on him. Called Friar. Even asked if I could go to his house just so I wouldn't be along. I've never had a problem with being alone before. He was out doing errands with kids. I sucked it up and pulled it together and went to the library to get a backlog of grading done. Stayed at the library until closing.
While I was there, a high school girl came up and asked me to help with a math problem from a test she was doing online. It had to do with finding the original amount if you know what the percentage is. I showed her how to set up the equation and then divide by both sides. Later on she came up again and asked me about a problem involving two cars of different speeds and how often they pass each other on a track. I didn't really have any idea to solve that one. I'm a teacher and I have a master's degree. Ha ha! I'm such a fraud.
***
Texting with LD didn't go very well. I compared her to a happy prisoner, brainwashed into thinking she needed to comfort her captor. She agreed with the assessment but said she wasn't very happy about it. I said she didn't owe him anything other than a relationship with his children, but that she was deluded into believing she owes him a wife. She didn't argue that either. Then I asked her to stop texting for a bit because it was devolving into accusation and resentment and was killing me. I sent her a short email, though, saying that I'd be there if she really needed me.
Worked out. Took a sedative. Started drinking. Got a call from T-Bone and Courtney to go eat dinner, but I was at the library when they asked, and anyway I had plans with the Friar already set. Went out to dinner with the Friar, then drinking at Sports Bar and then the Hangout, where we played a little video trivia and such.
Friar took me home, but I don't have clear memories of it.
Mood: hysterical/suicidal
While I was there, a high school girl came up and asked me to help with a math problem from a test she was doing online. It had to do with finding the original amount if you know what the percentage is. I showed her how to set up the equation and then divide by both sides. Later on she came up again and asked me about a problem involving two cars of different speeds and how often they pass each other on a track. I didn't really have any idea to solve that one. I'm a teacher and I have a master's degree. Ha ha! I'm such a fraud.
***
Texting with LD didn't go very well. I compared her to a happy prisoner, brainwashed into thinking she needed to comfort her captor. She agreed with the assessment but said she wasn't very happy about it. I said she didn't owe him anything other than a relationship with his children, but that she was deluded into believing she owes him a wife. She didn't argue that either. Then I asked her to stop texting for a bit because it was devolving into accusation and resentment and was killing me. I sent her a short email, though, saying that I'd be there if she really needed me.
Worked out. Took a sedative. Started drinking. Got a call from T-Bone and Courtney to go eat dinner, but I was at the library when they asked, and anyway I had plans with the Friar already set. Went out to dinner with the Friar, then drinking at Sports Bar and then the Hangout, where we played a little video trivia and such.
Friar took me home, but I don't have clear memories of it.
Mood: hysterical/suicidal
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