Friday, October 26, 2007

An old-timer grouses

Everything's too politically correct these days. We can't have ghosts or jack-o-lanterns or anything fun for Halloween at Brown Elementary. We can't even man the fuck up and admit what we're doing; we just pretend mainstream culture doesn't exist. The kids were painting paper pumpkins, and one girl asked if next week they could draw faces on the pumpkins for Halloween. The teacher didn't say, "No, because we're terrified that recognizing that American culture includes such festivities as Halloween might offend a Muslim or a Jehovah's Witness who nevertheless lives in America and is steeped in our culture." Instead she dodged the question with a non-committal question: "Would you like to do that someday?" And then she smiled and carried on, neither admitting or denying the possibility of such a thing ever happening.


Friday was a day where all the kids seemed to find it necessary to tell Ms. L and I every single thing they did. They were constantly out of their seats showing us completed work, telling us anecdotes, and so on. I mean, it's nice they were doing the work, but they ought to know at this point that they should just turn it in and begin the next assignment.

One girl asked me if she could get a drink of water. I said sure, and she left. A few minutes later, I was crouched down helping another kid, so when she came in, she didn't see me. She asked Ms. L where I was, and then approached me. "I ended up going to the bathroom," she said.

"Okaaaay," I said, and kept helping the other kid.

A few minutes later she was back again. "Remember when I said I went to the bathroom?" she said. "Really, I only tried. I didn't actually go."

Gee, thanks for the updates. I'll be sure to stay tuned for further fascinating bathroom-related developments.

Speaking of which, another girl told me that the girls stand on top of the toilets and talk over the tops of the stalls while they're in there. Why on earth would they do that? Reminded me of this funny anecdote over at Learn Me Good, though.


Oh, almost forgot: a sub tried to set me up with her daughter today. Even showed me her picture. Pretty cute, too. But the sub was shocked when she found out how incredibly old I am (I look like I'm barely into my 20s). She might have still pimped out her daughter on me if I'd pushed it, but I'm not much of a dater, and on her part she did say that a 36-year-old guy like me was maybe a bit too worldly for a 25-year-old girl.


Churlita said...

Yeah, we had a list of costumes that kids weren't allowed to dress-up as in our school district a while ago. They did away with it after David Letterman made fun of it.

They weren't supposed to be witches. Because they would offend wikkens?...I'm at a loss.

Michael5000 said...

...because nothing is quite as religiously exclusive as a face carved in a pumpkin.

After all, in the Crusades, zealous Christians with jack-o-lanterns on their shields terrified non-Christians with their plunder and violence. And again, the Spanish expelled Muslim and Jew alike under the banner of "la gran calabaza." During the Holocaust, the Nazis regularly saluted "der geschnitzte Kürbis" as a symbol of racial purity.

Oh, they didn't? Never mind then...