txt msgs

Me: "Did you know we share 50% of our genetic material with bananas?"
Epalg: "Lies!"
Me: "Why do you deny your innate banana nature?"
Epalg: "I refuse to carry on this conversation as it demeans us both."
Me: "But it elevates our humble cousin the banana."
Epalg: "If there's one thing I can't stand it's an uppity banana."

***

Epalg: "Is [some actor] alive or dead?"
Me: "I'm guessing he's still alive, but barely. And Canadian, too, I believe."
Epalg: "No, he's dead. I can't speak to the Canadian question."
Me: "Why, what did the Canadian question ever do to offend you?"
Epalg: "I don't want to talk about it. The Canadian question knows."