Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Somebody please take the wheel

Let me rant and let me ramble
You're lookin' at lunatic in shambles
I've got real issues I must wrestle
I'm unfit to steer the vessel...
I keep wishing, I keep waiting
This couldn't be more irritating
Right now I'm feeling like an ant
Let me ramble let me rant
--- Mighty Mighty Bosstones, "Let Me Be"

Spooky text messaged me. This is the first contact I've had from her since I don't know when. Literally, I forgot. Anyway, she said she wanted her pictures back --- the photos she gave me of her and Baby to put on my bulletin board at home. Well, she'll have to wait a while, as I threw them away. Not out of any malice, regret or hurt feelings; I just had no use or sentiment for them and didn't think I'd hear from her again. She also said in the text that she's leaving town in two weeks. It's pretty clear that her relationship with Babydaddy was more than she let on, and I'm sure she was always planning on moving with him to wherever he's going.

What else? Maddening Angel called me, but again I missed the call. I'm almost afraid to return her calls, because I know we're not as close as we once were, and I feel bad about that. However, that's ridiculous; it is what it is, and I should enjoy whatever time we have fun together. She was a good friend once, and there's no reason why she can't be again, even if on much narrower terms.

At work, we got a new kid (which is good --- gotta keep that enrollment up, as a lot of kids are leaving now that summer's winding down). By the end of the day, she was asking for me when I was with the other class and holding my hand when I was in the room. I really do have a strange, special kind of immediate bond with most kids. I'm in the right field. I just need to make a real career of it.

Friar is usually a pretty astute person, but the other day he and his boss's wife were bandying about the idea of inviting me to one of their district attorney mixers. I said to them that women who make the money that DA's make are not interested in guys who make the money I make. Friar disagreed, saying "they don't care what a man makes, since they already make a lot of money." Now that's just foolish. I don't claim to know the beginning and end of it --- if this goes back to some kind of atavistic need for a hunter/protector while women domesticate, or if it's just a modern Western thing --- but it's pretty obvious that just as men seek pulchritude, women seek financial security. You see an attractive, dynamic woman happy with a man who has no financial or career security about as often as you see a wealthy man happy with an conventionally ugly woman. The reverse, of course, is as common as it clichéd: gorgeous women flock to pecuniary powerhouses, whatever they look like, and wealthy men seek out beauty, no matter how shallow or unconvivial.

"So what's wrong with being sexy?"

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