Deliberated over posting about today or not posting at all or doing a quick fill post today. Couldn't decide which was more honest, which would give me a much-needed shot of introspection, which was truest to the blog's function as a memory hole, which was less whiny. I don't know.
If you read Achewood, and you really ought to, perhaps you know the one where Roast Beef is too depressed to finish biting through a piece of toast.
Anyway, I decided to do a sort of mixture of all three choices. This will be a meaningless post that references where my head is today but might as well not be posted at all, really.
I don't know. Work was something. Beats me.
Starting today, various parents are coming in to have lunch at the tables with their kids. I have no idea if the two couples that came today were impressed with my calm professionalism and came away knowing their kids were in good hands or if they sat there appalled and wondering why everything was going to hell. Honestly, I have no idea. I can't tell.
The Vice-Head told me today that there's a school policy against picking up kids or hugging them except for a kneeling side hug. I'm a guy, and guys like to toss kids around, and I'd seen other teachers picking up kids, so I've done it. So now I have to tell the kids not to swing on me or ask to be picked up, and also clearly I was looking kinda weird for being so physical with the kids all the time, and also clearly some teachers must have complained to her about me. I don't know, it kind of feels like an emotional punch in the gut.
Has taking over the class put me under this pall of stress and uncertainty? I've never felt anything less than totally competent and confident at a new teaching job, but suddenly I feel like I'm being watched and judged.
I'm too sensitive or some shit. I have to finish biting through this toast.
Let's see. Today we started literacy centers and did some math and decorated our George Washington cut-outs. And in math we counted by 2s and 5s and I introduced them to calculators.
I may feel an infinitesimal bit better now. Or am I still depressed? Possibly. Can't tell. Too dazed with foreboding and gloom.