Thursday, February 26, 2009

Back / nadir

Not dead, but thinking about it.

The conference was about what I expected it to be; a few good ideas, mostly a bunch of procedures that ought to be intuitive by anyone with half a brain; some people selling their materials. Listened to a teacher astronaut and a very admirable philanthropist author on the final day.

Aside from academics, ambivalent. Traveled with coworker Ms. N, a drop-dead gorgeous funny witty brilliant woman. We have a lot in common, laughed a lot, took off one day and hired a car and drove around the state (illicit escapades). I had a great time in the day, and felt my soul die a little more each night. It all reminded me of everything I can never have again, and everything I'm too weak to search for but can't live without.

Called a suicide line and talked til I was hungry instead of hurting. Ate some pizza and drank some rum. Thinking of scheduling suicide for the summer, when my kids won't be so traumatized.

Thunder on the mountain, and there's fires on the moon
A ruckus in the alley and the sun will be here soon
Today's the day, gonna grab my trombone and blow
Well, there's hot stuff here and it's everywhere I go

I was thinkin' 'bout Alicia Keys, couldn't keep from crying
When she was born in Hell's Kitchen, I was living down the line
I'm wondering where in the world Alicia Keys could be
I been looking for her even clear through Tennessee

Feel like my soul is beginning to expand
Look into my heart and you will sort of understand
You brought me here, now you're trying to run me away
The writing on the wall, come read it, come see what it say

Thunder on the mountain, rollin' like a drum
Gonna sleep over there, that's where the music coming from
I don't need any guide, I already know the way
Remember this, I'm your servant both night and day

The pistols are poppin' and the power is down
I'd like to try somethin' but I'm so far from town
The sun keeps shinin' and the North Wind keeps picking up speed
Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need

I've been sittin' down studyin' the art of love
I think it will fit me like a glove
I want some real good woman to do just what I say
Everybody got to wonder what's the matter with this cruel world today

Thunder on the mountain rolling to the ground
Gonna get up in the morning walk the hard road down
Some sweet day I'll stand beside my king
I wouldn't betray your love or any other thing

Gonna raise me an army, some tough sons of bitches
I'll recruit my army from the orphanages
I been to St. Herman's church, said my religious vows
I've sucked the milk out of a thousand cows

I got the porkchops, she got the pie
She ain't no angel and neither am I
Shame on your greed, shame on your wicked schemes
I'll say this, I don't give a damn about your dreams

Thunder on the mountain heavy as can be
Mean old twister bearing down on me
All the ladies in Washington scrambling to get out of town
Looks like something bad gonna happen, better roll your airplane down

Everybody going and I want to go too
Don't wanna take a chance with somebody new
I did all I could, I did it right there and then
I've already confessed - no need to confess again

Gonna make a lot of money, gonna go up north
I'll plant and I'll harvest what the earth brings forth
The hammer's on the table, the pitchfork's on the shelf
For the love of God, you ought to take pity on yourself


Churlita said...

I hope you're okay. I'm confused. Why can you never have that again? Is this woman single? Or do you just not feel like you'll ever be in a relationship with anyone? I'm worried about you.

Michael5000 said...

Dude: No suicides. I've dealt with enough of that already, K? K.

daveawayfromhome said...

And you're worried about me?