Thursday, January 01, 2009

I'm back, yet again

Hello! Chance here, blogging like it's 2009!

So, yeah, I'm the guy who sucks, plus I got the depression. I think I've mentioned that a time or two before. So I've got myself a little plan, and I'll work through it on and off in the pages of this blog.

I've never been a complainer about external forces, and tend to be serene in the face of mundane setbacks; I know I'm tremendously lucky in many ways, and am happy to work through the various minor unforeseen complications of life. But my problem is internal: I am seriously down on myself. Therefore, with the aid of various resolutions and affirmations, I'm going to make a genuine effort to change my state of mind. I'm going to be positive about things (see optimistic new "skittles and beer" banner), open up, and say those goofy life-affirming mantras until they make me better.And if that doesn't take ... well, I don't want to be melodramatic, but I'm going to put a time frame on this.

So I've got a year or less to see if I can bluff my way into the game with the rather meager hand life's dealt me, or I fold. It'll be a fun journey.


Last week was a good start. Lots of fun, with the Friar DJing at the Hangout, and all the usual requests from frat boys whose idea of classic rock is Ted Nugent and Bon Jovi, or sorority girls who want to hear "anything by Britney," while Friar's playing Outkast, Ween, The National, and Elvis Costello. But we really did honor the requests where we could (except for Ted fucking Nugent --- holy crap, he sucks), making for another interestingly eclectic evening. Auric stopped by, and he and Friar and I drank and sang along to the playlist from on stage like fools.

Um, big rock show with Auric's band. Went with the Friar, of course, T-Bone and Courtney, Anacreon, Muffin's husband, etc. I asked and took Hot Waitress T as my "friend date." Or possibly real date; I'm not too good at figuring out whether I'm on a date when I hang out with all these attractive single women. In retrospect, I guess it typically is a date, until I do nothing to further things along, at which point it's not a date anymore. Oh, well.

Uh, Muffin moved back to Devil-Town from New York. Her little son is very cute. He looks a lot like Muffin's brother, Anacreon. Perhaps I'll start seeing more of her, but I doubt it. All my friends are married with kids, and they have similar schedules, and have playdates for their kids, and so forth, and I'm sort of the odd man out. So there's that.

Got unexpected Happy New Year's calls from typically recluse Deep Blue (out taking his toddler for a walk) and from 神圣, back from China (and whose wife is expecting their third child this year). It's good to stay connected, and not let relationships wither.

I guess maybe that's it? Peace out bitches.


daveawayfromhome said...

Good to see you back. I always had the same problem on dates, mostly becauses I could never make myself believe that they actually were interested in me, and so I'd generally blow it. Take the plunge, (while being prepared for humiliation). Whatever happens, happens, and none of it is actually any more earthshaking than you make it.
You probably worry about it too much, I know I did.

Michael5000 said...

Peace out bitch to you too! Good to see you back.

Churlita said...

that's what's so confusing for women. We don't know if you want it to be a date either. If you want it to be a date, you should tell her. That way she can tell you how she feels one way or the other. It makes things so much easier and more fun.It's taken me years, because I'm terrified of rejection, but I'm so much better about being upfront about what I want from men.

Chance said...

Thanks all. Dave and Churlita, I think the trouble here was that I myself didn't know what I wanted. The "hot" epithet is apt, and I like her, but she's a club-hopping, hard-living, social, partyin' 29 year old, and I'm a grumpy, gnomic hermit with relationship issues. So you can see the bind I was in.