Back before the Ex abandoned me and my life was cast into an interminable pit of self-loathing and despair, I was a light-hearted fellow. Under another pseudonym, I maintained a blog wherein I'd occasionally pit comic book characters against one another for comedic effect. It was called Contest of Champions (and the entries, COC fights).
In lieu of writing about the bathos of the Job, or the banality of State School, or my pathetic pining after a gorgeous girl who spends a lot of time with me but doesn't want to date me, I will reprint these old blog entries here. (This first one is kind of lame, but they get better.) Enjoy!
In the first ever COC fight, it's Batman against that bastion of American values, Captain Apple Pie --- I mean, Captain America.
Well, Cap's got the edge physically. Bats has honed himself to be the perfect, Olympic level athlete, but Cap has the super-soldier serum, which gives him that extra scintilla of power and endurance he'd need against a foe of Bats' caliber. I'm afraid Cap is also ahead in the experience department; in comic time, Cap has years of WWII experience fighting Nazis and Japs [that's what he called them then; don't blame me] hand to hand, plus his modern, post-thaw stints in the Marvel Universe. So I'd say that if this fight were to take place in an open field, or some kind of UFC-style octagon-shaped cage, Caps would get the upper hand. But, the fight would more likely take place in the streets, rooftops and alleys. And that, I'm afraid, is Bats' demesne. Bats has the edge in gadgets --- he has access to any number of acid capsules, smoke bombs, ropes, taser, etc etc in his utility belt, and, coupled with his superior street smarts, that makes Mr. Bruce Wayne the winner.
And remember, the Champ always gets the girl.
Next: A marvelous match-up