Monday, November 14, 2005

Colossus Vs. Pig-Iron

Bonjour! C'est tres beau aujourd'hui!

Welcome to another COC fight. This one is a heavy metal smackdown! And I ain't talking about loud, repetitive music, either, so step back, Manowar and Motorhead! I mean guys literally made of heavy metal!

In the red (dirty Commie!) corner, the large, oafish-looking fellow you see looming over there is Piotr, styled "Peter," Rasputin, the one and only, or possibly just the best-known of many, Colossus. In the blue corner, you see another metal-skinned giant, the most beloved super-powered pig in comics. No, not Peter Porker, the Spectacular Spider-Ham. It's Peter Porkchops, that lovable lug(nut), the most massive member of the Zoo Crew, Pig-Iron!

These two beings of iron will and even harder skins would no doubt spend but brief time sizing one another up. They're both powerhouses, and each noting that the other was a moving metallic being, they would no doubt feel free to move quickly into the fisticuffs portion of the programme. Like hammer and tongs! Har!

Colossus no doubt has experience that Pig-Iron lacks (combat experience, that is; he also knows far better than Pig-Iron what it's like to die of AIDS the Legacy virus and then get better, but that's beside the point). However, in my estimation Pig-Iron is larger than Piotr. I make these two out to be fairly evenly matched, assuming no one has the drop on his opponent. They would fight until both were tired.

At this point, Pig-Iron tries to reach Colossus with reason. "We're kinda goin' nowhere fast with this pounding each other routine, Silverskin. What say we give this thing a rest for a sec?"

"Da, tovarisch," gasps Piotr, employing that foreign-word-studded style of speech so popular in Chris Claremont-penned comics, and so rare amongst actual foreign people speaking English, "Da. You are right, my purple droog. Why do we fight? Is it because I look strange to you, and you to me? Are all sentient beings doomed to mistrust that which is different? When will we learn to judge one another as individ---"

"Sucker!" shouts the porcine paladin palladium of Piggsburgh, and catches Colossus square on his steel nose with a perfect roundhouse, flattening the Roosky without giving him time for so much as a "Boszhe moi." Leaving Peter R. as the chump and Peter P. as the champ --- because pigs fight dirty!

The only picture I could find of The Champ. Posted by Hello

Next: Catfight! (No, not that kind, but I really ought to get around to having a female match-up.)

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