Friday, September 19, 2008

Every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main

Work is going just great. I love the kids and they love me. I had my first goal meeting with the Vice-Head and she said I was doing great, and that liked how I probably pushed the kids more academically than the other K teachers. My goals this year, apparently, are to work on becoming more of a contributing team player and to find new ways to apply math assessments. In any case, it was very pleasant to hear her endorsement of what I've been doing.

Oh, and the Head roped me into the school book club --- we're reading a book on how demand for a new kind of thinking is changing the economic landscape, and he wants me to lead a discussion on humor when we get to the appropriate chapter.

Oslo, getting along well with the K team, personality-wise. We were using cookies for a project, and when Miss Busty distributed them, she brought mine in her pants.


Tonight I went to see Auric play a solo show at a Big Self-Important Corporate Venue. One of Friar's acts opened, a girl with an incredible voice who surely, if the music business has a shred of justice in it, will come to good things. I went with Friar, of course, and Courtney, T-Bone's wife. We met up with Friar's boss C and his wife. I really enjoyed the show; I've been rather jaded about Auric's music, having known him and listened to him for twenty years now, but this solo set with acoustic guitar crackled with energy. (Literally --- he got a shock at the microphone that knocked him off his feet and kept him down a few seconds. When I asked him if it hurt after the show, he didn't remember it at all.)

Auric mentioned me in the warmest terms from the stage after he sang the song I helped with, and everyone around clapped and hooted and held my arms up. Corny, I know, but it's those little shallow things that help chip away the slabs of depression and defeatism.

Also, C's wife asked me twice if I had a girlfriend, and when I asked what her goddamn problem was (just kidding), she said, "I just think you're a very good-looking guy, and I don't understand why you're not always out with various girls."

Well, she's plain wrong, because I ain't, but aside from that, the reason why is that I got low self esteem and am riddled with contempt for myself and the world and enjoy living in silence and emptiness for the most part. But I didn't say all that, either.

It was nice after the show to walk past the small knot of autograph seekers to lounge around backstage with friends, joking and drinking. I enjoy those rare moments. Also, I ate Auric's sandwich and veggie platter.


Later, the inevitable wind-down at Hangout. Courtney and Friar and I ate very unhealthy sodium-stuffed bar food. I made to push off around midnight, and Friar (at that point quite extraordinarily drunk) mumbled something about my dog and the single chair I have in my living room. Courtney asked him what the hell he was talking about, and he said, "Chance has nothing to go home to."

So I said, "Well, how nice," and left without further ado.

Now, I might say that all the praise I'd gotten all day was outweighed by that one comment because I didn't believe the praise but the dispraise struck home, but there's more to it than that. I do believe that I am great at teaching, I am a good friend, and I'll grudgingly admit I've got some nice features. But it's a sore point with me, as I've alluded to on this blog, that all my friends are married ten years now, with two kids, owning their houses, and here's me childless, divorced, and renting at 37.

So I'll admit it hurt a bit hearing it from my best friend, even taking into account his drunken stupor, as well as the fact that I probably enjoy the stillness of the nothing I come home to more than he enjoys the company of the wife and child he spends so many nights avoiding by getting wasted in dive bars.

Okay, that was bitter.

1 comment:

Churlita said...

Eh, I'd chalk it up to him being drunk and jealous. You're the one with all the freedom.