I realize I have left it too late

Man, it's hard keeping up this post-a-day pace, even as a pretend real teacher. I hardly ever felt this worn out as a pre-K teacher at the (old) Job. I guess I left it behind most days once the last kid left; in real teaching the next day is always looming large in your mind. Have I planned and practiced enough? Will there be enough time in the day to cram in everything I'm obliged to cram? Will there be enough for the clever and quick kids to do while the slower students are still furrowing their little brows in a vain attempt to understand the situation? How the hell can I make those little hellions pay attention for thirty seconds, anyhow?

I'm doing morning Language Arts stuff nowadays as well as the math lessons. Mostly phonics review, morning message and such. It's okay, but as usual, it bores most of the kids.

For math today I handed out double-digit numbers on cards and had the kids assemble that number of colored cubes on their work mats. This they could do, but they showed little understanding of value when we asked whether their numbers were lower or higher than a given number. we had kids with 32 saying their number was more than 54, and so on.

For science, I led a little mini-discovery field trip outside, where the kids noted down and illustrated all the things they saw that had to do with motion. I was thinking primarily of devices such as cars and swings and see-saws, but the kids also wrote surprising things like clouds, spiders, hair and feet. Kids'll surprise you.

The other State Schooler who's student-teaching at Brown (in the kindergarten class) appears to be blending in much better than I am. I won't be surprised if they offer her a job. As for me, while I'm praised by Ms. L and appreciated by the other teachers on the grade team as well, I feel otherwise unnoticed by the school at large. I'm not very bothered by this, but I can't say I'm utterly above it, either. I can't say I'm not a twinge jealous that my fellow classmate, whom I know to be very poorly educated, is probably a better fit at Brown. In some ways I am too smart to fit in at public schools, and that bothers me.

And in case that sounds elitist and egotistical, be assured that I remain convinced that I am a fool, a joke and a loser.