I started this blog a couple of years ago ostensibly to chronicle the long, arduous road to getting public school certification. However, the real reason I started it was to sort out the emotions I was going through then, vulnerable after my break-up and getting mixed messages from the Maddening Angel. The blog's been as schizophrenic, and as flighty, as me; basically, I talk about anything on my mind. When I detail my personal life, it can get pretty pathetic. I mean, honesty is embarrassing. But hell, I'm masked, anonymous, and not proud.
Anyway. Last night I went to see Casablanca (for the sixth time) at a midnight theater with EPALG. (That movie's so overrated --- it's just a bunch of famous quotes strung together. So hackneyed.)
So look, I know this isn't a date, because I'm fair to middling at reading people's interest levels, or at least I think I am. But I can't help wishing it was, because bloody hell, she's a goddess (gorgeous; highly educated; witty as hell; has read more books, and seen more classic films, than anyone I know, including me). And I'm sort of this twisted ugly little gnome guy, so I really enjoy her company.
And while most of my friends are attractive, outgoing women and I've been married and I'm not exactly socially inept, I don't really understand how singles interact. Because, it seems to me, a single girl and a single guy having a late drink and then seeing a movie at midnight --- isn't that something that could be a date? So maybe I should have tried to turn it into a date, you know. But I don't want to do anything stupid and ruin what could be beginning of a beautiful friendship (ha! see what I did there?).
I mean, I'd like to tell her how great she is, but my problem is I build up unrealistic expectations and hopes, and then come off as, well, clingy and pathetic (as Ram would attest). Either that or I stay too grounded and appear indifferent (as has also happened).
To paraphrase Holden Caulfield, don't every do anything with anybody. You just end up missing everybody.