I started this blog a couple of years ago ostensibly to chronicle the long, arduous road to getting public school certification. However, the real reason I started it was to sort out the emotions I was going through then, vulnerable after my break-up and getting mixed messages from the Maddening Angel. The blog's been as schizophrenic, and as flighty, as me; basically, I talk about anything on my mind. When I detail my personal life, it can get pretty pathetic. I mean, honesty is embarrassing. But hell, I'm masked, anonymous, and not proud.
Anyway. Last night I went to see Casablanca (for the sixth time) at a midnight theater with EPALG. (That movie's so overrated --- it's just a bunch of famous quotes strung together. So hackneyed.)
So look, I know this isn't a date, because I'm fair to middling at reading people's interest levels, or at least I think I am. But I can't help wishing it was, because bloody hell, she's a goddess (gorgeous; highly educated; witty as hell; has read more books, and seen more classic films, than anyone I know, including me). And I'm sort of this twisted ugly little gnome guy, so I really enjoy her company.
And while most of my friends are attractive, outgoing women and I've been married and I'm not exactly socially inept, I don't really understand how singles interact. Because, it seems to me, a single girl and a single guy having a late drink and then seeing a movie at midnight --- isn't that something that could be a date? So maybe I should have tried to turn it into a date, you know. But I don't want to do anything stupid and ruin what could be beginning of a beautiful friendship (ha! see what I did there?).
I mean, I'd like to tell her how great she is, but my problem is I build up unrealistic expectations and hopes, and then come off as, well, clingy and pathetic (as Ram would attest). Either that or I stay too grounded and appear indifferent (as has also happened).
To paraphrase Holden Caulfield, don't every do anything with anybody. You just end up missing everybody.
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4 comments:
I don't know how this began, but did you initially ask her out? From a woman's point of view, it's pretty refreshing to have a guy tell you how he feels about you. That way you can tell him whether you want the same thing...Or not. At least it's out there and there's no room for creating scenarios in your head.
She called me first, and I've asked her out twice.
To be honest, I'm a chicken.
I say give it a bit more time the way things are. She clearly enjoys spending time with you. Let the friendship continue to build because simply by doing that you are strengthening the relationship.
thanks, internet lady pals!
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