Low anxiety

Horrible horrible tachycardia last night. Bed at 11:00 p.m., but didn't sleep until after 1:00 a.m., and up and out of bed before 6:00 a.m. Heart, thoughts, blood racing. Couldn't calm down. Anxious but not for anything consciously specific.

Went in to The (Old) Job at 9:00 a.m. Worked my old haunt the preschool room until afternoon (the kids were delighted to see me, and I them), then filled in a space in the toddler room until the end of the day. I don't know the toddlers except by sight; a couple of parents looked at me a bit askance when they picked up their kids at the end of the day. But I was told by an administrator this morning that one of the fathers was asking her who I was the day before. Not out of suspicion because I was a stranger and a man in a room of toddlers, like you might expect; in fact, close to the opposite. He remarked that I seemed more attentive to and effective with the kids than their everyday teachers. That doesn't say much for the place, does it? The Old Job's still the same: mediocre staff and ineffectual administrators.

Had dinner with Epalg tonight. An oasis of pleasantry.

Father is checking himself out of rehab a week prior to anticipated. He says the doctor there endorses this idea. My mother is outraged. My father, pissed at her in return and a little acrimonious with me as well for voicing concerns at this news, is talking about staying with friends and then leaving the country. He also wants me to help him buy a car (he'd pay for it, but his credit is terrible) so he can get away. It's so nice being in the middle of this.