Friday, July 14, 2006

Feeling rather down

Today I'm feeling kind of like the person who posted this. I'm practically middle-aged, divorced, and I'm thinking about all the ways in which I've wasted my life and my potential. Yeah, I'm in school to get certified to be an elementary teacher: big deal, and a bit late in life.

I think about my friend Auric, for example, whom I can't help comparing myself with because we went to high school together. Today he's a nationally known singer-songwriter, critically respected and adored by fans. Okay, he's an extreme example, but back when we were kids, all of our little circle were smart, funny, talented, creative people. Friar is a lawyer, as is 74. Flax teaches law school. Deep Blue brings in copious dollars as some sort of tech geek type guy. And all of them happily married, all with kids extant or inchoate. One of my big regrets is that I never got to have kids --- I'd make a terrific parent, no joke --- and now it's probably too late. What have I achieved that I can be proud of? And how likely is it at this point that I ever will achieve anything of note?

What's my problem? Well, an ambsace of ambition and drive, I suppose. Yeah, my life's monetary, social, familial, and creative failure is my fault, but that's not going to stop me from bemoaning it.

Plus, you know, World War III seems to be erupting in Lebanon.