Unchain my heart, you worry me night and day
Why lead me through a life of misery
when you don't care a bag of beans for me
--- Ray Charles, "Unchain My Heart"
I woke this morning from a dream about Ram. In the dream, I lived in the same apartment complex as her (the place resembled MA's real-life building). I walked by her door and noticed it wasn't shut all the way and rock music was coming from inside. Taking this to mean that she was home, I wanted to knock, but didn't feel right doing that. So I texted her. I can't remember if there was an answer or not. I then hung out in another apartment with two other people (possibly Spooky and MA). When I next walked past Ram's door, it was shut, and the music was still coming from inside but much fainter.
I wondered whether this dream meant that Ram's metaphorical door was still open to me, but only if I had the guts to metaphorically knock.
Work was boring. That place is getting more and more unprofessional. I don't even want to bother recording the day to day drudgery of The Job. Just so boring and so beneath me. Yet, I feel secure there and I have the schedule I want. I dunno.
Went home, fell asleep. Woke at 4 p.m. and worked on the take-home test for Science Methods. I ended up scribbling the last of my answers in the car (at the stoplights, of course) on the commute to State School. That's procrastination for you. Then, in class, the midterm. It was comprised of two parts; both seemed fairly straightforward to me. I finished much earlier than everyone else and got out of there a little past 8:00.
I called Spooky. I picked her up and we picked up some of her medicine. Then we went to the Hangout. The Friar had been there, but he had left and didn't return. So we played video bowling, then sat and talked for a bit at a table. When we got in the car, she said she'd like to come over to my place again, so that's what we did. Sweet Shiva, is she ever GGG! It's like someone delivered a wish-list of all my personal inclinations in one willing body. Who needs prime pulchritude?
I have to say, despite my entry of February 18, my feelings in this matter seem to be evolving rapidly. Whereas the first time was mainly physical and somewhat uncertain on my part, tonight I felt real tenderness and affection toward her. We talked of a few serious things, and I mentioned how I wasn't entirely comfortable with being with her considering her living arrangement (I mean, I went to pick her up tonight, and there was ol' live-in Babydaddy, sitting in their [!] bedroom, leafing through a swimsuit catalogue, calling her "babe" and watching her put her shirt on. Weeeeeeird!). And, though I didn't say it, I would like to be with someone who could have children.
I could do worse.