Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Suffering like a fool

I got no place left to turn
I got nothing left to burn
Don't know if I saw you, if I would kiss you or kill you
It probably wouldn't matter to you anyhow
--- Bob Dylan, "Standing In the Doorway"

That's how I feel about Ram: torn. I want to be friends, I want to reach out and caress her like before, I want to hit her hard for coming so close to me and making me reveal myself and then pulling back, I want to just hang out with her, I want to date her, I want never to talk to her again. After our long, depressing talk last night when we ended abruptly with emotions high, she called me tonight and left a nice message, using our nicknames for each other, "just to say hi." I didn't call back.

Spookytooth had called a couple of times this week, so I called her and talked on my drive home from school.

I also texted T and she called back; we talked for a while. She told me a story about a time when she was dating this rockstar type guy (no one famous, just a hipper-than-thou hipster). She said, "I hadn't... uh, done it in a while, and so I decided I was gonna... uh, do it, which I really almost never do." She therefore arranged "a booty call," as she put it, for a Saturday, and he called and confirmed and seemed very into the idea. So, Saturday came around and they went out and sat there talking. And he said, "I just want to say that I'm done with meaningless sex and I want my relations to be intimate and close from now on." She said, "Damn! So I didn't get to tap that. I guess that was a sign or something."

What does this story mean? And --- knowing I've been called a few times on my vehement selfishness when it comes to social tales, I ask half in jest and half neurotically in earnest --- what if anything does it mean to me?

Last night at the Hangout, MA twisted my nose around so hard, its tip now sports a dark, circular bruise. It's like a dog nose. She was just being playful (she also twisted my nipples and pinched me, as is her wont), but she was quite drunk and she did it a lot more violently than usual. So today I'm walking around work and school with a goddam dog nose. Shiva save us.

Class was Math Methods. We did more hands-on and visual representations of mutliplication, division, addition and subtraction, this time with decimals. Test next week, and the take-home portion is due as well. Same deal in Science Methods; big test and fairly long take-home exam (which must be typed). I may have a busy weekend ahead.

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