As the post title attests, I went to church today for the first time in no little while. I chose to go to the more informal, rockin' service rather than the main chapel service, even though the pastor there is phenomenal. I didn't want to go to Communion, and the sermon title, "Renewing relationships," didn't seem like what I was looking for.
Instead I heard a sermon from Young Pastor about resurrection and reincarnation. It was odd to hear words like "karma," "moksha" and "nirvana" from the mouth of a protestant pastor. He also mentioned the Rapture Ready site (they're scare-tactic Christians). I guess the end was a bit uplifting, where he talked about death being hopeful and galvanizing us into life, and eternity in Paradise after.
I just wish I could believe that. I wish I could have faith in that. But I find myself just as swayed by the principles of The Diceman --- either something will happen or it won't, so why not be at peace with yourself in the meantime? I wish I could agree that God's love is all you need, but right now I need human connections.
Being at church, hearing the Christian band rockin' out, I got very weepy. I didn't exactly break down or anything, but I was close to tears. It was nothing spiritual --- I just felt very alone all of a sudden. Maybe church reminded me of the Ex, since we joined the church together.
Lunch with Father and his AA buddy Potato at a pizza place. Also, tonight is trivia night at TriviaBar. (We won.) The Friar and 74 showed up for a while, a fleeting bit of jocularity in an otherwise unrelentingly bleak day. Absolutely no call or message from MA, until she finally called me back at 1:30 a.m. saying she just got my messages.